He {Rewind}

We found out we were having a boy on July 22. Neither of us cared (seriously, a whole freaking baseball team could come out and we'd be thrilled) but I felt like it was a girl. I didn't want a girl more, I just felt it was a girl. Maybe because I in-visioned us having a girl, we had the perfect January baby name for a girl. I don't know. If it was twins, I totally would have said boys. The kids I'd imagined were always  boys if they were twins and first. Moving on.

I told our doctor we would not tell people unless he was 95% sure. The good doctor Isn't a Vegas man and I don't think he wanted to see me at 20 weeks mad so he gave us 80%. However, you can deny that something maybe isn't there yet, but there is no argument to "it's a boy and that's not the umbilical cord". I promised we still wouldn't tell, and we still wouldn't paint the nursery.

It's still sinking in. I don't know boy babies. That's a lot of pressure. That's a lot of decision making right when it comes out. A lot.

I bought him some clothes and told Granny. (She's like Case. She's a vault.)

I love other people's little boys. I've never been around a boy for that long. They get hurt, they break appendages. They like bugs. They play sports for crying out loud.

I thought about what I would do when his feelings were hurt. How I would feel when he gets called out on first base. It makes my soul sad. What if he gets his feelings hurt or has a hard time making friends. What if I can't teach him the Christ like love he'll need to draw others closet to his Heavenly Father. What if he never feels the spirit guiding him to do something for someone else. What if he doesn't know compassion because I couldn't teach him?

It was then I realized, I'm not the mom of a boy. This wasn't about me. This was about something bigger. I may not be the mom of a boy, but Casey is a dad of a boy. Casey is the dad of this boy. And, that is exactly as it was intended.

Casey is the dad that plays ball in the yard. Case is the dad making sure someone other than Mom earned the boy scout merit badges. Casey is the dad that honors his Priesthood. Casey will show him how to treat girls, and his future wife. Casey will prepare him to serve a mission. Casey will know how it feels the first time you give someone else a blessing. I love that this little boy can experience the blessings of feeling the priesthood in our home. I love that he will always know how much his dad loves him. We prayed for him. Often. He will know and witness his dad do all things with a greater faith.  And, I am so lucky to get to watch it all.

He's a boy. And, we're in love.

100

Myers,

It's the last triple digit day of counting down until you come. Some days, I want all 100 of those days and maybe a few extra. Other days, like today, I wish it were tomorrow. I miss you. I don't know how its possible but I do. I don't know what we did without you for so long. I'm excited to watch you grow. I have a hard time remembering that you are going to start so tiny. I feel like I can remember you as a little boy. I can't wait for all of the adventures we will go on. 

Papa is looking forward to your first ride on a horse. I think that's going to happen a lot sooner than Mom wants. I'll make sure you are bundled up, but it's not Papa's fault you decided to come in the middle of winter. 

Gammie has bought you enough stuff for you and 3 brothers. She's even helped paint your room! She's mostly looking foward to setting up your crib. 

Aunt Madison, it's safe to say she likes you. She checks in a lot. Mostly, I think she can't wait to babysit. I hope I at least get to hold you for an hour first. 

Grandma Holmes can't believe you are a boy. Another boy! I can't either. Please don't break any bones before age 5. Please be careful! 

Grams and Gramps Holmes think you look like your dad. I hope you get his curly hair and blue eyes. I think it's a long shot, but maybe grow a little bit of hair before you come? They've come over lots to help mow the lawn, tape floors, paint, whatever. You are a pretty lucky boy. 

Aunt Erica and Ash have picked out and bought enough clothes for your first year. I think Erica is a preferred customer at Nordy's. 

Aunt Corie bought you a Cubs outfit. We'll just keep it our secret that you are a Royals boy through and through. 

Gran is working hard on all your bedding, and I think she'd like you to send a sister next, but I think she's pretty happy about a little cowboy. 

Your dad, is in a calm state of panic. I've given him a few things to pick out- stroller and monitor. I better not give him anymore. He's making sure it's only the best, it's a good deal, and it's functional. He's pulling lots of late nights, early mornings, and weekends, in your nursery. His favorite part might be your closet shelves. And, he's really glad your room isn't purple anymore. 

Basin and Alf know you are there, and definitely know something is awry at the house. There is a lot of commotion. They like to lay by you in my belly.  

One last request, keep growing. I know food isn't totally your thing, but at a pound and a half you aren't quite fitting into your clothes yet. And, your dad is 6 foot. I did not waste money on newborn clothes. 

I love you. 

Love, 

Mom