Once each year, we send balloons into the sky for the sister I never knew here in this life. If I pick the balloons they are usually light pink and some other "girl" color. Last year, I think I finally asked my mom if she had a favorite color. I think the answer was blue or yellow. I, selfishly, didn't remember and it was a variation of baby pink again this year.
My sister would have been 32 this year. I don't know what birthdays are like when you are 32. They should be more mature. Therefore, I bought my mom light pink and gold balloons this year. I really wanted to get the neon pink, it was a birthday after all. For some reason, I had a hard time escaping the baby pink. I wonder if I will always picture my older sister as smaller, because that's the only her that this life knows.
Some people say it's weird to celebrate a birthday from Heaven. I promise you, it's not. It's better. No one in my family forgets March 23. We just don't. As a kid, I don't remember what I would say. I still don't always say the right thing. Some years, I ask questions about her. Some years, I just say a simple "happy birthday" to my mom. Some years, we send flowers. This year we didn't. Some years, we just have dinner at home. This year we went out to dinner with my parents. Some years, we make cupcakes. Others, we don't. There usually isn't the birthday song or presents. But March 23 has a presence.
It's a reminder, and a not so subtle one, that this Earth isn't perfect. What is perfect is what we have been promised if we follow our Heavenly Father's plan for this life. I KNOW that I will see my sister again, I KNOW I will remember her, I KNOW that I knew her before, in Heaven. I KNOW she knew the plan before coming to this earth. I KNOW she knew her life would be hard, and I KNOW she accepted the task. I KNOW she isn't in pain in Heaven. I KNOW she is happy. I KNOW there is a reason she couldn't stay and be a big sister, I KNOW there is something so important there that she had to do instead.
And, I know before this life, my mom knew she would only get her for a short time. I know she accepted that and whatever pain it would bring, because she knew the bigger plan for her. And, she must have such an important plan to only need a physical body for a short time. I know that my mom had a really hard time. I've asked. I don't think it gets easier. I don't think the sadness ever leaves. I think one just learns to live being that sad. I also know that my mom didn't give up. She kept going, which was the plan also. Most days, probably not because she wanted to. We have been promised we will see our sister again. How sad I will be when it is my sister's turn to have our mom again. (And, Im grateful she is still letting me keep her for A LOT more time)
I know in Heaven we were asked if this would be our families plan. If we could do this trial. We all said yes. Then I'm sure my mom and sister were taken aside and asked if they really could do this. Because being a mom is something more sacred than all else. And, if the world were perfect that would never be taken away. I know they said yes. I know when we get the Heaven there will be a special club of the most elite mothers that have lost a baby. I know it's a club that none of them are glad they are in. But those are the strong women that have handled the hardship so gracefully. They have been an example to everyone around them. They have the spirit of Christ in them. I am so thankful that one of them is my mom. She has been the best example of Christ's love for my whole life. And, I could not be who I am without her raising me like she did.
I can't wait for the day when we all be together in Heaven. Sitting as a family in the living room, telling stories and laughing. Heaven has living rooms, right? I know she will tell us the amazing things she accomplished. I know we will all be so proud. And, I can't wait for one million hugs. I can't wait to remember my sister again.
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