8 weeks (Rewind- - 6/9/15)

Dear Baby H,

I sure love you. I'm excited for you to get here. I'm grateful to be sick because I know it means your in there. I know how many times I prayed. I said I would never complain because I knew what it was like to want you. However, I'd really like to no longer vomit and dry heave. I'm worried food will never taste good again.

I wish I knew what food you liked. We seem to add a new dislike on a pretty frequent basis. Those are:
- granola bars
- chicken
- pasta
- mac n' cheese t.v. dinner
- Applebee's
-Olive Garden
- mayo
- chicken salad sandwiches
- coke

To be fair, I was doing fantastic with no coke. Aunt Rae said it was all she could keep down so you better believe I tried it. You hate it.

You also hate water if I drink too much at once. I'm SO thirsty. Especially at night. I can't drink it. Bad things happen.

So far, my weight has fluctuated between the same poundage range it always does. We'll see. Dr. Davis' scale is less forgiving. We have have another appointment next week.

I can't wait to hear your heart beat again. I think Dad's pretty stoked too.

Love,
MOM

Little Red is FREE

We paid off the Mazda today!

I made Casey go IN to the bank with me. That's how excited I was. No one even congratulated us. What the heck, credit union?! Don't send me a satisfaction survey. No one offered to take a picture of us next to the car! But they sure do take a picture when you get a loan for 5 years on the freaking thing. Dave Ramsey would have a field day with that comparison! Whatever, i'll take a freaking selfie.

Moving on.

1 year and 3 months early!

Impressed? My original goal was to pay it off in 2 and a half years, but whatever. Early is early and a win in my book. I love, love, love reading other people's tips even though some of them don't work for me. So, here are ours.

How did we do it?

1. When I first bought the car, my payment was low enough for me to handle. I definitely didn't get in over my head. I liked having a payment I could afford. There was never a month where I was scared I couldn't make my payment.
2. I made sure I could pay extra on my loan. Read the fine print, did you know on some loans that comes with fees?! Make sure you check!
3. Round up. Most car  payments are a random amount "$208.75". I picked a number, still within my budget, and told myself it was my car payment. $220 was the number I picked and I NEVER paid below that because that number was my car payment in my mind. Usually, I paid well over that $220, but that was my number that I never went below. Every penny counts.
4. Our budget is loose. So, we budget more money for things like lunches out. If ever I bought pizza on my debit card and a friend paid me for half, the money they paid me back went towards a car payment instead of back into the checking account.
5. Sometimes I use my debit card for work. (It's often, I am horribly impatient when it comes to waiting for someone else to finish with the company card). When I get reimbursed, that money doesn't go back into checking. We already account for it being "gone" so I make a car payment.
Disclaimer: Case loathes that I do this step and it 100% ruins budgets, but whatev, it's what I'm into.
6. This one is random, and not really a step or tip, but one month the bank teller applied the truck, car payment, and the "extra" that I was paying all on the car. It sucked  when I had to make another truck payment but it's awesome now.

I realize some of my tips are not realistic for all. They also prove that we need to get better at budgeting, but I'm so excited to have a free car! I know, I know it's still not free, but I'm calling it that and it rocks.
Now, to start shopping for my SUV.

Kidding, kidding. We may like this one vehicle payment life. Now cross your fingers that no vehicles break!

PS-- We are debt snowballing. I super love Dave Ramsey and Casey loves excel. If you're into tips and tricks like this, let me know in the comments. I'll talk money with you all day long. Make it rain!

100

Myers,

It's the last triple digit day of counting down until you come. Some days, I want all 100 of those days and maybe a few extra. Other days, like today, I wish it were tomorrow. I miss you. I don't know how its possible but I do. I don't know what we did without you for so long. I'm excited to watch you grow. I have a hard time remembering that you are going to start so tiny. I feel like I can remember you as a little boy. I can't wait for all of the adventures we will go on. 

Papa is looking forward to your first ride on a horse. I think that's going to happen a lot sooner than Mom wants. I'll make sure you are bundled up, but it's not Papa's fault you decided to come in the middle of winter. 

Gammie has bought you enough stuff for you and 3 brothers. She's even helped paint your room! She's mostly looking foward to setting up your crib. 

Aunt Madison, it's safe to say she likes you. She checks in a lot. Mostly, I think she can't wait to babysit. I hope I at least get to hold you for an hour first. 

Grandma Holmes can't believe you are a boy. Another boy! I can't either. Please don't break any bones before age 5. Please be careful! 

Grams and Gramps Holmes think you look like your dad. I hope you get his curly hair and blue eyes. I think it's a long shot, but maybe grow a little bit of hair before you come? They've come over lots to help mow the lawn, tape floors, paint, whatever. You are a pretty lucky boy. 

Aunt Erica and Ash have picked out and bought enough clothes for your first year. I think Erica is a preferred customer at Nordy's. 

Aunt Corie bought you a Cubs outfit. We'll just keep it our secret that you are a Royals boy through and through. 

Gran is working hard on all your bedding, and I think she'd like you to send a sister next, but I think she's pretty happy about a little cowboy. 

Your dad, is in a calm state of panic. I've given him a few things to pick out- stroller and monitor. I better not give him anymore. He's making sure it's only the best, it's a good deal, and it's functional. He's pulling lots of late nights, early mornings, and weekends, in your nursery. His favorite part might be your closet shelves. And, he's really glad your room isn't purple anymore. 

Basin and Alf know you are there, and definitely know something is awry at the house. There is a lot of commotion. They like to lay by you in my belly.  

One last request, keep growing. I know food isn't totally your thing, but at a pound and a half you aren't quite fitting into your clothes yet. And, your dad is 6 foot. I did not waste money on newborn clothes. 

I love you. 

Love, 

Mom

Creep Clothes, baby style

Okay, maybe I'm just not in tune with vomit inducing levels of cute. We need to address a concern.

I'm in Carter's (and TJ and Gap) searching for a baby gift. It was for my boss. So, super cute obvi. People need to know I'm not a style prude, but also normal.

My options:
- super darling outfit with bicycles. And, a onesie "auntie's favorite". Yep, not your kids aunt. That just made it weird.
- a juicy couture one piece with "juicy" across the bib.... didn't juicy couture go out of style with words on the ass sweatpants? Not buying that. Just no.
- the cutest flamingo print dress. And, a onesie "daddy's sunshine" uum, no. Why? Seriously, why? Why does it have to say anything. You either pushed the kid out, or watched it get pushed. We get it. You like your kid. But, weird. Where is the "you are the boss. Here's a cute gift. Let's have some personal boundaries gift" And THAT  is saying something because I love learning, knowing and caring about people and their life happiness but it's just too far.

In conclusion, I would like to thank The Gap for the freaking adorable denim dress, stripe sweater and matching tights. On sale, cute, not weird, and no reference to family ties. Gap is clutch. Now, can I have a discount for the brand thumbs up?

The Clo Clo Monster

TMI so don't let it phase you. You were warned.

So, the most wonderful, dreamy, helpful doctor (not an exageration. I love him and I honestly think he is a gem. Call me, i'll refer you) decided that I should try out clomid. Not for long, only a few cycles. I am NOT an expert, and I won't pretend to be someone that took a high dose for an extended period of time. I have friends that did, and they are my heros. I will let you know how my few cycles went.

I believe that everyone has an opinion. 

Clomid has made many people pregnant and I think it can be a great option. If you are thinking about it I recommend that you pray. Get answers. Is it the right time? The right thing? If it is then med up, but if not, that's okay too.

Here's my top 10. 

And, it is so okay to laugh, because let's be honest, some of these will make you roll.

1. Before taking clomid, I had to have a blood pregnancy test (I know it's for safety and they HAVE to make sure, but come on. Salt that a little more). The nurse called me several days later to let me know I was not pregnant and could begin clomid. I was pretty nervous on the phone and responded, "okay, so I can start taking the chlamidia now?... i mean, uh.." The nurse politely contained her laughter, but you know she went and double checked my chart after to ensure I didn't have the clap. To be clear, I didn't and never have, but I was so nervous and I had just had a conversation about the other C word and it was the C word in my head.

2. My favorite word is the F word. It was in my head ALL day long. I know it's not okay, I know I can't say that. I was worried that if the doctor increased my dose, I'd start dropping it on everyone at work. And that's frowned upon.

3. I didn't feel in control of myself. I felt "off". I knew when I was being ridiculous but I would feel that whatever I was being ridiculous about was so important.

4. Life is better with your office door shut.
5. Life on clomid is better when you get eyelash extensions. It just is.

Sidenote: my eyelashes are amazing, but fell off quicker if I was on the clo the week I got them done. It happened twice, so that's fact based. And, I have the best lash artist in all of Utah, they never fall off. Ever. Except on those weeks. And, it was only if they were brand new that week. What the hormone?!

6. Laughing while crying. That's when you know Clomid has made you bat shit crazy.

7. Gain 3 pounds, lose 3 pounds. In a matter of hours. "I have nothing that fits" was a struggle and I swear I look lile a bloated balloon in our anniversary trip pictures. 

8. I'm grateful that we tried. We almost didn't. But then I would have wondered if we should have. It didn't work, but what if it had. And, I didn't take it because I felt crazy. A baby is worth the crazy. 

9. I fell in love with Casey that much more. He is the most patient person. He gets a look and knows it's time to walk away, or leave wherever we were. He took care of extra chores or planned dates. (Oddly enough, I still liked him) 

9a. (Because I have more) knocking is a priority. DO NOT come to my home unannounced. We are on a very strict schedule at the Holmes house. (Note- the new med allow for visitors more frequently. But still, expensive strict schedule over here.) I realize it sounds rude, but my goodness it is science. And, we follow it.

10. The weight loss after clomid. Uum, yeah, I've lost 5 pounds in 2 weeks (granted I'm also changing my diet. But good sweet mama, I feel like a $20 dollah bill over here. )

Overall, I wish it would have worked. But, I wish it could have worked like the discovery channel too. (Excuse that vulgar reference. I'm funny not on medication too). I know we will have 15 babies exactly when we should. Until then, we'll try to be positive or we may just shut ourselves in doors for the day. 

I'm sad clomid didn't work for us. I absolutely would do it for 20 more cycles if it would work. My doctor didn't think it would for us. So, we are on to new things. Good luck to any of you that may still be taking clomid! I'm sorry if you have to do 1 cycle or 13 or 25. They all suck because this sucks. There will be a great reward at the end. 

Xo

Weekly Goals: March 29 - April 4

Goals are late this week. I have them already but I haven't made myself accountable to you yet so here we go. 

These are last week's goals that I passed off. I'll still work on them, but they aren't formal goals for this week.

1. Continue with no coke! I have had a sip or two of Casey's but that is it. I am really pleased with myself!
5. Log food daily on myfitnesspal.

These are the ones I have to keep working on...

2. Slow down with Sprite.
3. Don't stress what I can't fix.
4. Get 10,000 for 4 days on the fitbit.
6. Work out 3x per week.
7. Take a home lunch 3 days a week.

I won't make excuses, I didn't apply myself. However, I plan on doing a better job for the latter half of this week. Without further adu, this week's complete list of goals.

1. Slow down on Sprite.
2. Increase water intake. 24 Oz per day. I know I can make this happen. I just need to pay attention and do it. (This goal will probably stay awhile because I'm trying to increase my H20.)
3. Get 10,000 steps for 4 days on fitbit. I haven't done it yet this week so I need to for the next 4 days! Here we go!
4. Work out 3x per week. Guys, I need help. I NEED ideas. I'm bombing this goal. 5. Take a home lunch 3x this week. So far, I have not accomplished any this week. However, Monday I was at a training so lunch was provided and Tuesday my pregnant friend wanted to eat out. I can't argue that.
6. Don't stress what I can't fix. I really, really want to focus on this one. The thought of my stress level makes me stressed. And, I really need to not be stressed. I'll do a whole post on stress someday.
7. Read scriptures or a conference talk each day to prepare spiritually for General Conference. GC is sweet, you can watch too {lds.org}

Good luck with your goals, gems. 

Xoxo

Family

Tonight, I had the opportunity to watch the General Women's Meeting of the church.

Before watching, the young women and leaders were given a packet to write on filled withvarious speakers names and pictures . We could write what we learned or we could write down questions before the conference began and search for those answers. (It is a personal progress pass off)

I wrote down my questions, and began to watch. I have been open with the fact that I often feel like I don't hear what I am supposed to, I don't slow down enough to catch those little promptings. I get nervous that I can't hear the still small voice over my thundering opinion in my brain.

Within a matter of minutes, my questions were directed. Not answered in a simple "yes" or "no" but more of a reminder that my prayers are heard. Everything will happen as it is supposed to. And I am not as far off the path of hearing the Holy Ghost as I sometimes think I am. Everything will happen just as it is supposed to, and in HIS time. Not mine. 

Sister Cheryl Esplin spoke of her ancestor Elizabeth Staley Walker (?), "do not bury your testimony in the ground." So, even though it might still be growing, I know that Heavenly Father hears my prayers. He hears your prayers. Do not feel guilty when you ask questions in your prayers. Your prayers are no less important than another person and your Heavenly Father wants to know your thoughts, dreams, and goals. Heavenly Father is always there waiting for you to reach out and develop your relationship with him. Grasp that relationship. Become a better person each day through the strength the He gives you. I am not perfect. Heavenly Father knows that. He loves me anyways. And, he loves you. All of us.

Sister Carole M. Stephens spoke of trials. We are not all going through the same thing. Some of us may have a divorce, feel abandoned, or have lost a child. I can't say that I know how that feels. I don't even think I can say that I know what it feels like to struggle with infertility, because there are those that have struggled for far longer than I. We are here to unite and support one another. Help others who may be going through something, remind them that they are loved. They are special. My favorite line from her talk was "your sphere of influence is large." Think of everyone's life and how you could make a difference if you realize that you could show others the Light of Christ in you. Think of all the lives you could change and the people you could impact. Isn't that an amazing thought?

There were several songs and slideshows  during the conference. Every family is different. No family is less important because it has no kids, or because a person is single. Or aged. Or anything. All families are special. I cried with the couple that has faced infertility for 5 years, I've cried for friends, and friends of friends. I want them all to have a softball team of babies. And, I pray for them. I hope that couple feels those prayers. And, I hope their family grows in whatever way the Lord has in store for them. I wanted to hug the wife in that video. I want her to know that I will pray with her. I want her to know that I appreciated her testimony and example.

I've often heard the story that if all the trials in the world were placed in a pile and we were able to choose what we would be faced with, we would keep our own trials. I think of my mom, I think of all the moms who have lost a child. I think they were strong and brave. And, I think they took something that they knew the rest of us were unable to handle. I think of those with no food to eat, and wonder if I was selfish to have taken this life and made them live a life so much harder. I hope that if we chose our trials that I took something so that someone else wouldn't have to. I hope that through the bad days, I can be an example to others, that together we can lift one another up and get through the tougher times.

President Henry Eyring spoke last. Whilst I can mourn with those who mourn there is only one person who truly knows how their pain feels. The Holy Ghost can and will comfort you. Allow yourself to feel that comfort and know that you are loved. 
I know that Heavenly Father has a prophet on the Earth today. I know our spiritual leaders can provide us guidance. I know that there IS modern day revelation. I know Heavenly Father communicates to each of us in many different ways. I know one of them is through General Conference and through the prophet and apostles. I know Heavenly Father has a special, and probably very different, message for each of us. I know if we take the time, and really listen, we can hear exactly what we need to hear.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to listen to conference next week. I know it provides me with blessings and answers. I know I can feel my Father's love. I know I have been extremely blessed. Everyday. And, I hope that through my gifts, talents, and blessings that I can share that love with others because everyone should know how loved they are.

**for those of you anxiously waiting, goals will be up tomorrow**