He {Rewind}

We found out we were having a boy on July 22. Neither of us cared (seriously, a whole freaking baseball team could come out and we'd be thrilled) but I felt like it was a girl. I didn't want a girl more, I just felt it was a girl. Maybe because I in-visioned us having a girl, we had the perfect January baby name for a girl. I don't know. If it was twins, I totally would have said boys. The kids I'd imagined were always  boys if they were twins and first. Moving on.

I told our doctor we would not tell people unless he was 95% sure. The good doctor Isn't a Vegas man and I don't think he wanted to see me at 20 weeks mad so he gave us 80%. However, you can deny that something maybe isn't there yet, but there is no argument to "it's a boy and that's not the umbilical cord". I promised we still wouldn't tell, and we still wouldn't paint the nursery.

It's still sinking in. I don't know boy babies. That's a lot of pressure. That's a lot of decision making right when it comes out. A lot.

I bought him some clothes and told Granny. (She's like Case. She's a vault.)

I love other people's little boys. I've never been around a boy for that long. They get hurt, they break appendages. They like bugs. They play sports for crying out loud.

I thought about what I would do when his feelings were hurt. How I would feel when he gets called out on first base. It makes my soul sad. What if he gets his feelings hurt or has a hard time making friends. What if I can't teach him the Christ like love he'll need to draw others closet to his Heavenly Father. What if he never feels the spirit guiding him to do something for someone else. What if he doesn't know compassion because I couldn't teach him?

It was then I realized, I'm not the mom of a boy. This wasn't about me. This was about something bigger. I may not be the mom of a boy, but Casey is a dad of a boy. Casey is the dad of this boy. And, that is exactly as it was intended.

Casey is the dad that plays ball in the yard. Case is the dad making sure someone other than Mom earned the boy scout merit badges. Casey is the dad that honors his Priesthood. Casey will show him how to treat girls, and his future wife. Casey will prepare him to serve a mission. Casey will know how it feels the first time you give someone else a blessing. I love that this little boy can experience the blessings of feeling the priesthood in our home. I love that he will always know how much his dad loves him. We prayed for him. Often. He will know and witness his dad do all things with a greater faith.  And, I am so lucky to get to watch it all.

He's a boy. And, we're in love.